Thanks for signing up to be part of my Book Tribe! It means a lot to me that you want to be part of this bonkers journey of what once was just a childhood dream.

As promised, I told you that I’d be sharing with you some exclusive behind-the-scenes stories, so I wanted to start by sharing the thought process behind putting my business on hold to work on this book full-time…

The thing that they don’t tell you about turning your passion into your full-time, life-sustaining, only-source-of-income job…

is that it is as unpredictable as the weather on Earth during full-on climate change (aka, the world now).

It’s the same level of scary, too: One month you’re doing really, really well, then the next month can see you in the red. (Sidenote: If you’re the type of person who likes stability and security, then this probably may not be the healthiest lifestyle for you.)

The up’s and down’s can be abrupt, severe, and feel totally out of your control.

But on the flipside…
All this can also feel like a constant state of growth and evolution.

I spoke at the Altitude Summit in Palm Springs, California last week (pinch me now!) alongside other creative women entrepreneurs such as Joanna Gaines, Garance Dore, Joy Cho, Elsie Larson, and Jessica Hische (pinch me 5 more times!) — and one of my favorite topics was Jessica’s keynote on ‘Finding Yourself Over and Over’.

She talked about how ‘finding yourself’ isn’t really a one-stop destination, but a constant activity in your entire life. She shared experiences that have helped her evolve and develop different sides of her throughout the years.

And it made me feel a lot better and a lot less anxious about MY next evolution.

Getting A Book Deal… And The Anxiety That Came With It

See, I just got a book deal with Summit Books, the leading book publisher here in the Philippines.

While the 8-year-old me has fainted with joy and euphoria, the present me is drowning in anxiety.

Being an author and an entrepreneur at the same time is making my stomach churn in equal parts 1) acid, 2) sweat, and 3) how-the-heck-am-I-gonna-do-this.

And the reason is (and I know not a lot of people discuss this very openly, but I’d like to start)…

Writing a book is:
a) a full-time job (at least, for me)
b) does not pay like a full-time job

On one hand, I’d like to show up fully as an author, and give this book — no, this CHILDHOOD DREAM — the wholehearted space and time and energy it needs.

But on the other hand, I’d also like to be able to pay my bills for the next 9-12 months, and not be grazing the bottom of my bank account by the time I release it.

There is a much deeper boardroom conversation around this, but more than just the practical aspect of it…

Fear of Failure & Not Being ‘Good Enough’

I have a feeling that much of my anxiety is coming from a fear of failure.

Being an author is an entirely new identity to me (writing on the internet just doesn’t feel the same as writing for a book), and I’m not confident about how it’s all going to go.

What if I’m not good enough of a writer?
What if people question my credibility and ask, who the heck does she think she is to write a self-help book?
What if it only sells 100 copies?

Part of me wants to prioritize my business and push my book deadline back one more year, divide my time and attention 80/20 — aka, I’m still 80% focused on my business and income-generating activities, and only 20% of my time will be spent on the book. Which means stretching the book-making timeline.

BUT! Part of me also wants to just jump headlong into the book-making process, and really relish and honor this time in my life, and make a very important childhood dream of mine come true.

Finding Yourself Over & Over

After much (over)thinking, and after reflecting on the things I heard, saw, and learned from Alt Summit last week — I’ve finally decided:

I want to honor this book project with EVERYTHING that I am: the entirety of my mind, body, spirit, and yes, my entire toolbox of procrastinating tactics because that is always there, let’s be honest.

I want to hole up in my Hermit Cave and just write, write, write for the next 3 months. Without worrying about my business. Without worrying about replying to emails. Without worrying about revenues. Without worrying about answering to anyone (but my editor).

(This maaaaay or may not be driven by the delirious thought of, “Well, Barack Obama spent weeks living alone in a hut in Bali to focus on writing HIS book!” #truestory#iwannadothattoo)

But more than anything else… that also means:

I’ve decided to put The Purposeful Creative on hiatus at least for the next 6 months.

I won’t be running any classes, workshops, or online challenges for most of 2019. I’ve also said no to to private coaching and consulting clients that have come my way in the past month.

(So if you’re someone who’s waiting for the next batch of Braver Goals or Purpose-Driven Branding… we’ll be back to creating magic in 2020.)

There will be some community activities, but 100% of those will be related to the book. Keep an eye out on your inbox for those!

And you might think, oh cool, no biggie, she’s going on hiatus — but mind you, Responsible Arriane is going hella berserk.

Because in full, adulting reality: This means I’ll be stopping my main and biggest source of income for the rest of the year.

Just thinking about it triggers an acid reflux in both my stomach and my frontal lobe. My bank account is shaking in fear.

I mean… there are no more words to describe my fear.

It’s a big leap of faith, for sure.

But if there’s anything all my experiences have taught me… leaps of faith are often the catalysts for major life evolutions.

PSA: Please do not try this at home. Also do NOT, I repeat, do NOT try this unless you have at least 12 months’ worth of savings in your account.

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